Latest Issue

COVER STORY: .com into the garden,.org

It was a new year, the weather was beautifully temperate and the Tories hadn’t recommended crucifying the unemployed, however…
This little esoteric mag was floating along with decent audience figures and a number of contributing friends and reasonably happy with its .com status, however… (read.more)

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LITTLE EDITORIAL

“Time, it doth wither the heartiest of blooms; But the branch it doth remain; To wait for Time itself to yearn; For to see its blooms again.” Hodgson, 2016.
When writing any history of human endeavour, countless examples exist of triumph and defeat, misery and (read more)

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THOSE ETHICS GIRLS

Gladys: Can you hear something?
Alice: I can hear lots of things when I’m meant to.
Gladys: No, I meant just then. It was a long way off, but sounded like someone calling my name.
Alice: I didn’t hear that, but don’t worry, people call my name all the time and it hasn’t left me yet.
Gladys: Haha! Alice, what are you like? You are so well-spoken, yet so difficult to understand. You talk in riddles most of the time! (read more)
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NEWS REAL

BRAIN DRAIN  Mr Nathaniel Ural is a fellow who is displaying symptoms of a modern malaise. The man from the Fens has, apparently, begun to lose his previously acute ability  (read. more)
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SPOT THE DEFERENCE

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POO CORNER

SELF-MADE MAN  He lived like a suicide, but, as luck would have it,  (read more)
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WELLINGTON’S BEEF

The sun shone in a beautiful, seasonally eloquent apology for the anti-social delinquent behaviour of the day’s US-imported winds. It was trying to reassure us that the riotous, undignified bluster of the latest storms from across the pond, would, in time, blow themselves out. (read.more) ——————————————

POPPYCOCK CORNUCOPIA

ANTHEM FOR THE DOOMED OF ALL AGES
The ultimate bore, pointless-22 barrel discharges us
in serried ranks we shuffle, studying our shadows for signs of life entrenched in our ruts. (read. more)
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FOI PAT MCCONNELL

Hail to the Cheese ‘Mr Allen, what makes you think that you can replace Mr Trump as President in 2020? You will be 85 then’, asked moderator Megyn Kelly. (read more)

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FIFTH COLUMN

Is citizenship merely an ideal? Are our expectations too high in an age where we are more and more impressed by artificial intelligence?

Is the historical and current dismal transition from citizen to customer just a realisation of our nature as human beings needing accoutrements that originally were necessary but are now mere accessory? (read.more)
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CARTOON FUN WITH FOI DEEJ GREENWOOD

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truth_up_there-1b    truth_up_there-1c
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OUR MAN IN HIATUS

Apparently there’s a political purge on such places as Hiatus. It is a global attack on anywhere there appears to be nothing going on; no action; no productivity of any kind, especially warlike and profitable to conglomerates and business leaders.  (read more)

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AN INTERVIEW WITH DISMAS

Eds: Evening Dis, take a chair. You do know that means be seated rather than actually take one, don’t you?

Dis: Greetings, why sayest thou? If you’ve done your research, I was the repentant one.  (read.more) 

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A POEM BY PHANT S. CEMETERY

Love’s a blessing… (read more)

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URBANE MAN COLUMN

Apparently, scientific experts, unnamed for their own safety, have found the answer to one of our great existential dilemmas: they’ve discovered the three base elements of that frustratingly elusive human attribute, Charisma. (read.more)
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MEDIA PAGE

A new series of The Revenue Inspector will begin this week.

It’s a new semi-reality drama following the exploits of a ticket collector on the railways. The tagline is: When the RI is on board, the naughty get spooked.

Apparently, there’s a mad rush to the toilet as too many try to flush at a station.

It stars John Clive Dammit as Inspector Vic Timise. (read.more)

WE’RE NOT GLAD THEY SAID THAT

Greeks are being asked if the government should accept a bailout plan drawn up by its creditors that would restart financial aid in exchange for more austerity and economic reform. (read.more)
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TWELFTH FIGHT

Part the tenth Frank is on his way out of town, retracing his steps with heart beating to an erratic tune: sometimes calm, sometimes mad. After all, he feels he’s late for a very important Kate.

He begins a soliloquy:

I am marred and reduced drinking the vile

shrunken of soul in this life sans style   (read.more)
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POLITICAL CARTOON

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JIM LADD

Our latest trip took us to Little Happening as a response to an invitation from its village statistician, Euan Mee. He has worked, man and boy, at the jauntily named Office of Numbing Statistics at Number One, Holding Court in the village.

The village itself has been awarded Least controversial, Most Tranquil Village in Britain,   (read more)
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NEWS REAL

A herd or phial of scientists has revealed the fruits of ten years research. Apparently it’s a fact that people working long hours in offices, even open plan, are losing brain cells at a greater rate than people working outside, in the open air.   (read.more)
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SUBVERTISEMENT

HeroInBetting plc says…Meet the team:

Desperate Dave – Always thinks the next one’s the really big one!

Delusional Don – In denial about  (read.more)
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EDWIN STARR COLUMN

One of the more remarkable things about the recent EU referendum has to be the suspension of disbelief showed by too many of the leave voters.  (read more)
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FOI LINDA LERNER

AN UNLIKELY UNION

It was Tues., Jan. 12th, 9.p.m. The president was about to give his State of the Union address.  I was hovering between sleep and wakefulness for the past six days. (read more)

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FOI SUSAN BECKMAN

CARTOONS

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THOSE ETHICS GIRLS (ISSUE 12.1)

(Outside Calais ferry port)
Lukasz: Madame? Sorry to…how do you say?…er, interrupt? Yes, I think.
We are here.
Lil: That’s quite all right, Lukasz. Thank you. You’re not interrupting
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THE TIMEPIECE (part one) – ISSUE 11

“So, as I said earlier, Simon, I have no worries at all about the quality of your
work. It’s excellent.” Patricia’s birdlike features scanned the notes in” (read.more) ———————-


A prime example of political rhetoric from one of the ruling elite. Lest we forget, for fact’s sake!
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THE MAN WHO LOOKED UP (ISSUE 4)

“Are you sure? We were due to start our meeting at nine thirty. We’ve lost eight minutes already.” “But what is eight minutes lost compared to a lifetime regained?” (read more)
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PUB TALK – THE WRITERS AND EDITORS (MP3)

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