Latest Issue

COVER STORY: Monochrome or The Art of the Absolute

One of the most dismal terms becoming de rigeuer is, “end of.” It is the worst excess of a dictatorial mind. It is intended to close all argument and debate as if by saying it, the speaker is relaying an absolute truth. (read.more)

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LITTLE EDITORIAL

Now, where was I? Ah, yes…
In a world so finely hued that sixteen million colours, at least, are required to render it on a computer screen, how unimaginatively dreary it is to reduce pivotal issues to a choice between stark black or white… (read more)

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SHORT STORY: A TIMELY TALE

Freddie liked to be on time, and the term liked is used in a loose, casual way to understate what was actually an obsession with punctuality. Freddie had cried at his own birth simply because he was a few hours overdue. It didn’t help that the delivery person wore an ostentatious timepiece on the same wrist just above the hand that slapped Freddie into conscious being, after his ordeal of timelessness in the womb. (read more)
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NEWS REAL

NERVES OF STEEL  A very wealthy fellow of privilege has defied the odds and visited the wreckage of the UK steel industry. The well-to-do gent has shown his gumption in thinking that his visit will in any way help the victims of crass ideological expediency.  (read. more)
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MODERN ART

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POO CORNER

THE THOUGHTFUL MAY FOX  I’d rather not imagine this nadir moon  (read more)
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NAPOLEON’S REVENGE

On a day where it rained like a tipped up Portaloo, I made my soggy but determined way to the only apt place: The Plimsoll Line; that measure of water levels and tipping points on world waterways. (read.more) ——————————————

POPPYCOCK CORNUCOPIA

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE KOREA?
She primes nuclear and scares the world
(read. more)
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FOI MARK JENKINS

Everyone Please Smoke ‘ I have just returned from my fifteenth sojourn in China and am delighted to report that the Everyone Please Smoke policy launched by Beijing ten years ago has been a resounding success. (read more)

FIFTH COLUMN:

Everything’s Fine

Do you remember that line in that famous song: ’They’re in love with money and I feel fined’?  (read.more)
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FOI SUSAN BECKMAN


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OUR MAN IN HIATUS

Grubby glasses, a strange and interesting mediator between me and the world.
In summer the same glasses become an entertainment. 
 (read more)

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AN INTERVIEW WITH AL JOLSON

Eds: Hello, Al, take a pew

Al:Hello,dollies  (read.more) 

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A POEM BY GRAHAM C HODGSON

Radio For One To Three
Words and music, that’s all it is. Hijacked to feed a world
(read more)

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URBANE MAN COLUMN

What’s the world coming to when you can wake up and find your indestructible socks have developed holes in them, relegating their use to a casual marriage to slippers.
(read.more)
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MEDIA PAGE

A new series of The Revenue Inspector will begin this week.

It’s a new semi-reality drama following the exploits of a ticket collector on the railways. The tagline is: When the RI is on board, the naughty get spooked.

Apparently, there’s a mad rush to the toilet as too many try to flush at a station.

It stars John Clive Dammit as Inspector Vic Timise. (read.more)


MODERN ADVICE

Exclusive excepts from the best-selling SELF HELP: The definitive Tome. Chapter thirteen: Clutching At Your Own Straws. The chapter provides in-depth analysis and advice on how to choose that liberating long straw and avoid the damming short one. (read more)

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TWELFTH FIGHT

Frank is in Delirium Fields and his mind is striving to find itself in its new dark condition.
One such unconscious adventure has him lashed to a mast and he is the forecastle.

There’s no ill in this wind filling my chest
with treasured ambition to find my best
tether’d arms star-cross’d bind my blithe spirit
mind outstretched billowing hope to stir it (read.more)
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POLITICAL CARTOON

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JIM LADD

Our latest trip took us to Little Happening as a response to an invitation from its village statistician, Euan Mee. He has worked, man and boy, at the jauntily named Office of Numbing Statistics at Number One, Holding Court in the village.

The village itself has been awarded Least controversial, Most Tranquil Village in Britain,   (read more)
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NEWS REAL

Weather or No?
The recent autumnal skies have resulted in an increase in crisp bread sales, a body of lesser-known scientists have revealed.
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SUBVERTISEMENT

ARE YOU TIRED OF FEELING DEPRESSED AND DEPRESSED AT FEELING TIRED?
THEN YOU NEED A COURSE OF AUTO-DIDACTICISM
THROUGH SELF-LEARNING YOU CAN OVERCOME EXISTENTIAL ENNUI BY ROUTING ANY TAUTOLOGY THAT THREATENS TO WEIGH YOU DOWN AND IS ENERVATING TO CARRY AROUND. (read.more)
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EDWIN STARR COLUMN

The penny wars continue apace as noticeably, a local pub is having to rethink its policy of offering a free function room facility. (read more)
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What’s in a Name?
There comes a time, usually once in a generation, when a fresh, innovative approach is required. A different perspective is needed: an offbeat view of the world is suddenly a necessity…and, more importantly, an offbeat view of how the world sees you is paramount. (read more)

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FOI SUSAN BECKMAN

THOSE ETHICS GIRLS (ISSUE 12.1)

(Outside Calais ferry port)
Lukasz: Madame? Sorry to…how do you say?…er, interrupt? Yes, I think.
We are here.
Lil: That’s quite all right, Lukasz. Thank you. You’re not interrupting
anything important. (read more)—————————————–

THE TIMEPIECE (part one) – ISSUE 11

“So, as I said earlier, Simon, I have no worries at all about the quality of your
work. It’s excellent.” Patricia’s birdlike features scanned the notes in” (read.more) ———————-


A prime example of political rhetoric from one of the ruling elite. Lest we forget, for fact’s sake!
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THE MAN WHO LOOKED UP (ISSUE 4)

“Are you sure? We were due to start our meeting at nine thirty. We’ve lost eight minutes already.” “But what is eight minutes lost compared to a lifetime regained?” (read more)
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PUB TALK – THE WRITERS AND EDITORS (MP3)

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