News Real 7 – Issue 24

IT ALL ADDS UP

Every head of state and some of the other members of the global capitalist/corporatist/mafia oligarchies are to receive a brand spanking new and unprecedentedly expensive Debt Watch. The expense will be paid for directly with public funds, the watches are sponsored by one of the world’s most prominent conglomerates.

The watches, all trimmed with diamonds and made to withstand the lowest depths of humanity, highest debts and insurrections, have readouts that record the public debt. Other readouts include the percentage of public debt to (forcibly declared) private wealth in any economic, geographical area once referred to by old-fashioned geography teachers as countries; the growth in productivity represented by the ratio showing more prole effort for less public return; the amount of public monies underwriting private enterprise illustrated by the no-risk-all-profit ratio. Each finely crafted mechanism is Swiss made and has an ironic national symbol as a background to the mind-boggling economic summary of man’s inhumanity to man.

It has already been agreed, by 81% of 154 women asked, that each head of state can treat the gift as personal wealth and are not obligated to keep the item if they can get a good deal. Defenders of the project say that it is not against the law to sell the item on to further the economic recovery of any geographical economic capitalist/corporate/mafia enclave once referred to as country.

The first of the gifts will be given at the next G8 conference, to be held in one of the poorest countries, which houses one of the most opulent, lavish and globally respected conference centres. England just missed out on hosting the conference by dint of the coalition boasting, but not materially proving, that they had slowed down the UK debt clock’s millisecond hand by a microsecond. Instead, the event will be held in Washington DC, the home of the richest people with greatest dollar per capita ratio on the planet.

A spokesman was so puzzled as to be rendered speechless and resigned by use of semaphore flags.

(report from Goiters News Service)

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CRUCIFYING YOUR COST OF LIVING

A new anthem sung by a Voice celebrity at the opening of the JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTORE, which sermonises about miraculous price reductions.

No time to ask questions

too late to get worried

we’re being laid off

and replaced by free workers

though everything’s fine

and share price is up high…

I don’t know how to loathe him

lose his teeth, make him frightened

he’s a manager, he’s just a manager

and I’ve had so many managers before

he’s just one shit-faced runt more

He even thinks it’s kind of funny

low head count, much more profit

he’s a c*&t, he’s just a c*&t

and these past few years

have been like hell

he didn’t want to know

he cares not so

he’s sacked so many men before

he couldn’t give a shit

I’m just one more,

should I just walk out

should I speak up now

should I join an agency

I always knew it would come to this

this is what it’s all about

he cares not so

I loathe him so

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SELECT BAND

The Royal Highwaymen Regiment will be giving a concert in The Gipmore Hall this month.

The event is free excepting the expectation for large contributions by the attending public to raise further funds for the royally patronised charity, Oxymoron.