News Real 7 – Issue 32

TAR-BRUSHING OUT THE FUTURE

THE TORIES HAVE ANNOUNCED how they are going to introduce equal treatment for all to The NHS, regardless of ethnic background.

They are going to close A&E and make less beds for all;

continue to close hospitals so as to equalise the treatment not available to all;

Reduce access to specialist treatment for everyone who needs the NHS and cannot afford private health care.

The intention is to make sure that no prejudice is shown in cutting essential services in the NHS. The only discrimination left will be based solely on economic grounds: NHS emergency treatment in weeks; going private and you could get it in hours, so no prejudice there then. It’s good to know the Tories are taking the big issues affecting the NHS seriously.

ONIONS AND GRAVY TRAINING

Apparently, one of the leading socialists still allowed in UK politics, found himself on a gravy train recently. However, all the seats were apparently taken, reserved if you will, even though not immediately, clearly occupied.

However, the servants of Mammon Gravy trains National network, seeing his political prominence, perpetrated a hurried game of Chinese Puzzle and seats were made available to help discredit the re-nationalisation of the railways, which would, in theory, eradicate gravy trains.

A member of the public, still seatless, without title or notoriety, said, in an interview designed to further the debate, “I’d vote for him and his nationalisation project.”

Meanwhile the cause celebre socialist was wriggling in his seat due to his bruised foot, where he had shot himself with a dummy bulletin.

SWEET CHARITY

The prime MP said, in her address to the colluders in PMQ, that the government has increased the chocolate ration by notional percent and obesity is down by the same amount.

DYING LANGUAGE

Anthropologists have revealed that the Banter tribe are on the verge of extinction. This situation has been brought on by the pressures of the politically comfortables. This group of incorrect tools have moved in and destroyed the heart of the community of which the Banter tribe are an integral part. The naive pressure group are stealing not only the Banter tribe’s language, they are also inadvertently attacking freedom of speech for all of us. This narrow view of such expression is making not only comedy vapid and bland but also making debate more and more difficult as words become politically loaded by over-sensitised intolerance of difference.

QUESTION OF FAITH

PPB, on behalf of The Meek Marketing Board, are stating the case to get control of the earth while it’s still worth inheriting. Apparently the meek are becoming nervous and less convinced that waiting will do it for them.

Earnestina Givings, the board’s spokesperson, has been unusually assertive in putting forward the idea that the peaceable person movement cannot just stand around and watch egotists and bigots and the disenfranchised ignorant destroy the earth and any semblance of happiness.

“It’s looking more and more likely that, given the current trends, the place will not be worth inheriting,” asserted Miss Givings.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *