News Real 9 – Issue 32

NOT IN THE PINK

Ellen Highwater is seeking compensation from her employer when she was sacked for having prawn on her computer.

As an avid seafood enthusiast, Ellen was wont to peruse pictures of the said delicacies as well as other mussels and whelks. The misunderstanding came about when she was informed on by her music device, which, because it was bought cheaper in a recent sale, malfunctioned and misheard Ellen and her friends chatting away about her favourite prawn pictures on her computer.

Her employers were a little contrite about the incident but have said they cannot reinstate her as they do not look kindly on people who, when working in the vegetable section of their local supermarket, are disloyal to their craft.

“How insincere she would sound to a discerning customer seeking advice on vegetables, when her heart belongs to seafood to such an extent. We pride ourselves on our staff’s commitment to the produce with which they are recognised,” Ellen’s line manager said, with a completely laconic look on his face.

Asked if they might not accept Ellen’s contrition and find her a job in the seafood section of the shop, the spokesperson said, “We cannot be seen to have favourites. Ellen didn’t express her love of prawn in the interview, so, in a sense, she was being a little fraudulent when applying for a position in vegetables,” the store manager said behind closed doors.

We pointed out that you can have vegetables with prawn, as long as they are properly cooked and/or shredded, but the store refused to elaborate further on their position.

Ellen is seeking legal advice on her next move. She is also having to challenge the DWP’s intransigence. It seems they are reluctant to pay unemployment benefit as they say Ellen was indeed negligent in not understanding her disingenuousness in not telling the store of  the amount of prawn on her computer.

In all of this fiasco, no-one has held the listening equipment to account.

“Why hasn’t anyone sought to get the equipment to face the music, over its obvious mistake?” Ellen’s friend – who is very much into crustacean and sturgeon – shouted from the top window of Ellen’s house to a passing journalist.

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